How I simplified my New Years resolution.

This year I had a lot to think about, and a correspondingly large number of resolutions to consider. I wanted to quit binge drinking (yes, even in the presence of friends [sorry for being a party pooper!]), learn to manage my time accordingly, get my sorry hobo butt a job, stop swearing so much, *coughmeetsomeonenewcough* ... and those were just the simple ones. I had more complicated ones to figure out, such as the paradoxical piece of advice, "Don't be so mean, but stop being so nice" that I was handed by several people near the end of 2008 (I won't even bother explaining this one).

Then I thought, "Why am I making this so hard on myself when it could be so much easier?" So I boiled it down to the following:

Rule 1. Don't be such a dumb-ass.
Rule 2. There are no rules.

...[/Fight Club starring Brad Pitt who is not really that hot, whateverrrr]

But honestly, is it not the perfect resolution? All I have to do is stop before I do anything that feels debatable and ask myself, "Am I being a dumb-ass here?" Look, I've even made a flowchart for the rest of you to follow!!


I'm serious. This shit stuff will work for real, yo.