Breaking the Law of Contradiction

I don't want to be jaded, but I don't want to be naive either. I don't want to defend the status quo, but I don't want to be a fool either. I want to discover Atlantis, but only because I need to know that it exists. I want to be self-sufficient, but I'm afraid of what I'll become without mirrors. I'd like to want money, or fame. Instead I just want to be able to get by, and be happy, love everybody I care about, and be loved back with that same intensity. I'd like to want what everybody else wants. For some reason, nobody ever seems to wants what I want. I think being a satisfied dot on this world isn't so bad, but why does everybody else want to be a giant? The things people do to fulfill their aspirations frightens me. I want to help. But I'm not cutthroat enough to gain the capacity to do so - I don't want to risk getting lost and losing sight of myself. Lastly, I want to be of use, but not be used.

I think I was put together wrong.


I also want to believe that humanity is better than this.
But Utopia exists in the middle of nowhere, and unfortunately I have lost both my map and compass.